This month’s Mini Sledgehammer was officially redubbed Snowhammer! And there was still a crowd of seven participants. We love our dedicated writers. :o)
Congratulations to Jeremy Da Rosa for taking home the win.
Character: A retired therapist
Action: Gaining traction
Setting: A sauna
Phrase: Tres magnifique
By Jeremy Da Rosa
I need to change the light bulb. Most of the bulbs in the house are fine, other than the ones in the living room and those I don’t know because we never turn them on. They might be out for all I know. Cold and out. That little spring inside could be burnt and I’d never know. We have lamps in the living room, and those blue Christmas lights.
I need to change the light bulb in the kitchen. There’s a dark spot next to the oven, and the bulb in the fixture is a chicken shit 65 watt frosted tip child’s toy. I need something radiant, like God’s eyeball. At least 120 watts.
I need to change the light bulb in the kitchen, in the fixture above the table. The bulb I’ve got now is a frosted snow cone bulb and it’s softer than a retired sports therapist’s gut. It does me no good. There’s a dark spot next to the oven, and it gets closer to the refrigerator every time I go into the kitchen.
I need help changing the light bulb in the kitchen, the one in the fixture with the gold bezel above the table. There’s a dark spot in the kitchen by the oven, and every time I open the kitchen door the slice of shadow is closer and closer to the refrigerator and I’m not sure if shadow people are real but Luke and Dan seemed really convinced about them and the last thing I want to see is a 7 ft tall shadow man waiting by the fridge when I have to pee in the middle of the night.
There’s a ladder on the porch. There’s snow and ice on the roads, on the steps, and on the plants in the yard. There’s no snow or ice on the porch. There’s no snow or ice on the ladder. I open the door and there’s the ladder. Silver and leaning against the wall with a smile on one of the rungs like it knows.
There’s a ladder on the porch and a squeal in the road. My neighbor’s early ‘80s Camaro is spinning one tire on the ice. Gripping and slipping and spinning and occasionally the metallic crank of the e-brake and he finally hits a bare patch of road and shoots off while I reach and step for the ladder and it’s cold and slippery like a salmon and my hand slips off its silver smile then my foot slips while my other hand grips the rail on the stairs but it’s icy too and one foot goes up and my ass goes down on the red step.
I need to change the light bulb in the kitchen. There’s a dark spot next to the oven and it’s reaching towards the refrigerator like some acrobat at Cirque du Soleil. Tres magnifique.
I need to change the light bulb in the kitchen. My rashed hand is a sauna stone but the ice on the ladder doesn’t melt and 65 watts just isn’t enough and what if it’s gone out by the time I get back inside and the shadow hand is reaching more towards the fridge.
I need to change the light bulb in the kitchen, the one in the fixture with the gold bezel above the table. There’s a dark spot next to the oven.
I need to change the light bulb in the kitchen, in the fixture above the table.
I need to change the light bulb in the kitchen.
© 2017 Jeremy Da Rosa
Jeremy Da Rosa is a writer and educator who lives in Portland. He was born in Salinas, California, where lettuce comes from.
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