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Mini Sledgehammer: May 2011

Apologies for the delay in posting this month’s winner. The three judges deliberated for a long time the night of the event–at least it was a warm and sunny evening so we could do so outside!–so I guess it only makes sense that the announcement would be the long time in coming.

***
Prompts:
Character: a woman of a certain age
Action: fleeing by bicycle
Setting: between here and there
Phrase: “Don’t take this the wrong way, but . . . ”

Congratulations to Pam Russell Bejerano, who wrote the following in 36 minutes!

***

Pam Russell Bejerano

The Bicycle

Margaret stood looking at the bicycle in the shop. It was the latest invention – the front wheel large with iron spokes, a tiny seat atop made of wood, and one small wheel behind. She had seen many photographs of them, but this was her fist glimpse in person. It was magnificent.

“May I help you, Ma’am?” Margaret turned and looked at the young boy, less than half her age. “Are you looking for a gift for your husband?”

Margaret smiled. She knew women were not allowed to ride such contraptions, but she also knew that this was hogwash. Women of a certain age, in her opinion, were young enough to be able to break such asinine rules, and old enough to enjoy doing so. How little the young knew.

“No,” she said, then quickly corrected herself. “Actually, yes. I am looking for a bicycle for my husband. But truly, you cannot convince me that these contraptions are not highly dangerous.” She shifted her parasol from one shoulder to the other, getting a better look at both the boy and the bicycle.

“No, no,” he said walking to the bicycle and wheeling it towards her. “They are truly safe. Watch,” he said, stationing the bicycle by the mounting stand. He climbed up, swung his leg over the seat, and placed his feet on the pedals. “Watch,” he said, then proceeded ever so slowly to move the bicycle down the road.

She watched him go, then watched as he turned the corner ever so carefully, and rode back to her, dismounting again at the stand. He smiled at her, as if it were the grandest achievement to have ridden such a thing between here and there, when in truth, here was there. Thoughts swimming in Margaret’s mind were of a much grander sort.

“I supposed you’re going to tell me I need to purchase the contraption to mount the thing as well?” she said, goading him.

“Of course not. It is just as easy to mount freestanding. Watch.” He moved the bicycle away from the stand, kicked out a metal rod that held the bicycle upright, and proceeded to climb up the back wheel. “See, just as easy?”

“And this?” she said, pointing to the rod.

“Watch,” he said, beaming at her. As he rode away, the stand flipped itself up.

Again, he rode to the end of the dirt road and turned slowly, then made his way back. How he would dismount was the only piece of information she was lacking. She watched carefully as he slowed the bicycle, removed one hand from the handle bar and placed it on the seat between his legs, then quickly leapt back and down to the ground.

“Simple as pie. Your husband will learn in no time.”

“Indeed,” she said. “And how much does this cost?”

“Well,” he said, gently taking her arm and leading her closer to the bicycle. “This is not your average model. These spokes, see here, how they are connected at the center? That’s the latest fashion, making the model much safer. And the pedals, see how they…”

“How much, I believe, was the question.”

The young lad stopped and looked at her. “The seat, see there? It’s fine Italian leather that…”

“My boy, if I have to ask you again, you shall lose my attentions permanently.” She stared him in the eye, unmoving.

“75 pounds, 10 shillings.”

“75 pounds? And 10 shillings?” she mocked, feigning shock. “For a contraption that will make one sweat to take it simply down the road?” she said, gesturing up the short distance of road she had traveled.

“Oh, but madam, think of all the places one could go!”

“Such as?”

“Well,” he said, rubbing his chin and staring at the giant wheel. “You could ride it as far as, let’s see…”

“Yes, just as I thought. An overpriced bundle of metal to get one no where.” She shifted her parasol off her shoulder and overhead, turned on a heel, and began to walk away, smiling. She knew she had him.

“Ma’am,” he said, running around to block her path. “Please, I assure you, this bicycle s sturdy enough, fast enough, it could take you even off to the next town.”

“And where might that be?” she said, feigning ignorance. “There?” she pointed down the road she was facing that bent some 100 yards down into the overgrowth. A back road, she also knew, that led to Sussex, some 16 miles away.

“Well, of course, though one would have to be highly skilled at the thing to be able to ride down that road.”

“Oh, well, then,” she said, turning the opposite direction to the other road that headed out of town. “This way?”

“Well, this way, certainly. I’ve ridden there myself.”

“Indeed.” She looked at him with wide eyes, as if entirely impressed with his prowess. “I’ll take it. But only if you can guarantee me my husband could reach the next town by that road,” she gestured down the shorter path, “on his first attempt.”

“Ma’am, if I may,” he said, looking at her. “Please, don’t take this wrong, but riding such a machine will take some time. If your husband wishes to go over to the next town, it may take some time to accustom himself to the thing. But once he’s done that, I assure you, he can ride as far as the edge of town if he’d so like.”

Insulted as a woman, and by her age. It was amazing how well the youth managed to do that in one fell swoop. She smiled, thoroughly enjoying herself.

“If you would, please, then. I’d like to buy that one.”

The boy turned to where her extended finger indicated. “That one?” he said, the look of surprise unhidden on his face. “But Maam, that’s our delux model. It might be better if your husband learnt first on this one, then, in time, if he still likes it, he could come back and purchase this one.”

“Are you quite through?” she said simply.

“Ma’am?”

“With your juvenile preaching. Are you quite through?”

“Uh, well, uh, yes Ma’am.”

“Good, because you’re tiring me. I want that one.” Again she pointed to the larger model still in the shop.

“Right. Well, give me a minute, please, I’ll be right back.”

“I’m sure you will.”

Unfortunately for the poor lad, by the time he was right back, she had hoisted up the folds of her skirt, mounted the cycle, and disappeared around the bend. Once out of sight and out of sound, she realized she had done it – she had fled her godforsaken life forever, and had done so in the most unexpected of ways – by bicycle.

She lifted her head to the sun, flew her feet off the pedals and out in front of her, and let out the most joyous, giddy yelp of her life.

© Pam Russell Bejerano

***

Pam Russell Bejerano is a writer who works as an educator in Portland, Oregon. Pam has published a poem and one previous Mini Sledgehammer story, and was invited to read a short story at the Cannon Beach Historical Society. Pam is currently working on a novel to be completed in 2011. You can read more of Pam’s writing on her blog.

Mini Sledgehammer: April 2011

Today’s a day to cut to the chase, so here are your prompts:

Character: Maintenance worker
Action: Getting a haircut
Setting: An RV park
Prop: A book review

The judges debated for quite a while on the winner this month, and they finally settled on Wendy Grant’s story, “Paul Bunyan’s Leather Jacket.” Congratulations, Wendy!

***

Paul Bunyan’s Leather Jacket

by Wendy Grant

MTV used to have a show called “Road Rules.” A handful of twenty-somethings traveled around in an RV, stopping occasionally to see a historic site, do something ridiculous like bungee jump from a hot-air balloon, make out with the local townsfolk, call their semi-significant others back home to cry and apologize for said dirty deed, and stab one another in the back. I think they won a Kia and five grand if they survived the odyssey. All of the Road Rulers, as they were called, were young, fit, and impossibly good-looking. It really irritated my buddy Martin.

Martin thought that a bunch of us should travel around in an RV, too—we the not young, the never fit, the potentially fairly good-looking-after-six-martinis. We could go to historic sites, contribute to the community in some way that didn’t involve making out with the local townsfolk, and film it all.

“Film it for what? For who?” asked our friend Jenn.

“The History Channel?” I cracked.

“For fun,” said Martin.

“Instead of ‘Road Rules,’ we can call it ‘Old Fools,’” Jenn said.

Given that we are twice as old as twenty-somethings, we couldn’t just take off for three months like those Road Rulers. We settled on three days in an RV that Martin nicknamed Petunia, and we set off for the Paul Bunyan RV Park. Despite Petunia’s girth, we made it to the RV Park without incident in just under 18 hours.

I was antsy after being the RV for so long—and, frankly, I was probably feeling a bit cocky after decimating Jenn in Uno, 27 games straight. I leaped out of the RV, and I could see it: the enormous statue of Paul Bunyan. Anti-flannel graffiti artists had spray-painted his red and black shirt into a black leather jacket. Our community task would be to remove the graffiti and restore Paul Bunyan’s faux flannel. We’d start tomorrow.

“If I’m going to be on camera, I need a haircut,” Martin said. He barely has any hair, but he’s fastidious about what little he does have.

“That’ll take three minutes,” said Jenn. “Then what are we going to do?”

Three minutes later, Jenn, Martin, Very Quiet Victor, and I set off in search of liquid refreshment. We stopped when we saw the first neon beer sign. The locals sized us up, decided we were harmless, and actively ignored us. The bartender told us it was Ladies’ Night—two-for-one apple martinis—and we started a tab. For the purposes of discounted alcohol, Martin and Very Quiet Victor became honorary ladies.

Three rounds later, which was six drinks each later, thanks to the twofers, we were deeply, deeply drunk.

“Victooorrrrr,” I slurred, “why are you so Very Quiet?”

“I’m a maintenance worker. The equipment never talks to me. I don’t talk to it.”

“Ohhh. Let’s make out.”

Jenn began filming us immediately and commented, “If you had big fake boobs, we could probably sell this show to Bravo.”

Victor and I ignored her, and, according to video evidence, I lost my top.

Martin stared sadly at his drink. “I think I’m going to be too hung over to do charitable service tomorrow.”

Jenn swung the camera his way. “I read a review about that book, Volunteering in the New Millennium. It said that the desire to volunteer is more important than actual action.”

“Really?”

“No. But this was a good idea.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Let’s make out.”

***

Wendy M. Grant is a writer and editor. She’s written innumerable advertisements, newsletters, and brochures, and she co-authored a book on the history of Naval Air Station Miramar. When she’s not writing and editing for the clients of her company, W-inkling, she works on her screenplay, which she plans to sell this year.

Mini Sledgehammer: March 2011

What better way to celebrate International Women’s Day and Mardi Gras on the same day than to head to a wine and cheese shop to compete in a women-run writing contest?

This month’s writing prompts are:

Character: Women’s activist
Action: Sneaking
Setting: A church
Prop: Mardi Gras beads

With these prompts, tonight’s story topics ranged from an illicit affair to an angel with an agenda. Congratulations to Blythe Ayne for writing the winning story. Stay tuned to read it!

***

Angels to Nirvana

by Blythe Ayne

I was crawling around on the church floor after my Mardi Gras beads, which had mysteriously jumped their string and flown every which way in a wild jumble.

At that moment, in the middle of the rowdy carnival celebration on the street, a bunch of women’s activists came bursting through the door of the church. Don’t ask me how I figured that’s what they were, they just had an air of self assurance and determination to change the world for better.

The first one came up to me as I squatted under a pew, gathering my beads. She stepped on one of them. It went “crunch!” under her sturdy shoe.

“What are you doing, sneaking around on the floor of the church?” she asked.

“I…” I gestured at the beads, green and silver and orange all around her… “My string of beads broke, and I’m….”

“Never mind.” She waved to her compatriots, three other very sure-of- themselves looking women. They formed a crescent moon curve around her. Looking up at them, it was like a visitation. The street lights came through the stained glass windows making a halo around them. I felt like I was looking up at guardian angels. Gabriel, at least, for sure.

“This young man,” she continued, “has broken his string of Mardi Gras beads. Help him pick them up.”

The three women fell to their knees and scrambled around for the beads, under the pews, in the aisles… everywhere.

“How did you come to be in this church?” one of the women asked me. “Oh look, here’s seven beads, all together.”

“I don’t know. I was in the street, celebrating…” I looked into her eyes. They were that kind of hazel composed of green and brown and almost red segments. I stopped talking.

“Go on,” she said.

I… you… your eyes…..”

“I know, kind of strange, aren’t they?”

“But I’ve seen you… Do you know me?”

She shrugged, but looked away.

“Do you know me?” I asked again.

“Here’s another bead.” she moved across the aisle on all fours, but somehow so gracefully, almost floating, as if it was a well-practiced dance move.

I scrambled after her. Clearly less graceful. “You know me, don’t you?”

As she picked up another bead I reached out to stay her hand. A flash of light passed between her hand and mine.

“What the?….” I sat back on my haunches, stunned.

The first woman came up to us, standing over us, disapproving.

“Just gather the beads!” she ordered.

The hazel-eyed woman moved away from me, picked up another bead, but didn’t hand it to me.

“Give me the bead,” I said. She cautiously reached out her hand, her long fingers stretched impossibly toward me, she dared to look me in the eye. The flash of light passed between us again.

I know!” I fairly shouted. Then quietly I said, “I know where I’ve seen you. In my dreams. In my dreams,” I repeated. “Have you seen me? Do you know me?”

She looked over my shoulder.

“Yes,” she whispered, “yes, I know you. But just leave me in your dreams. You don’t want to bring me out into your real world.”

“What do you mean? You are in my real world.”

A saxophone player belted out a song in the street, a song I’ve never heard but felt I knew so well.

Just gather the beads,” she said. When you have 108, you’ll arrive.”

“What are you saying?”

“Count the beads–108–you’ll arrive in nirvana.”

I counted the beads, wanting only to look one more time into those strange, amazing eyes.

I counted 107 beads, then looked up, discovering that I sat on the sidewalk, under the saxophone player. He was about seven feet tall, his music came from far away.

“Hey…” I asked him, “Hey, did you see a hazel-eyed woman? An amazing hazel-eyed woman?”

He looked down at me and again, I felt like the guardian angel in the church window had come alive. He didn’t stop playing, but he nodded.

Yes, he’d seen her.

The faint lace of dawn crept up the sky behind the saxophone player, pink and pale orange. I looked down at my hands filled with Mardi Gras beads, longing to see the hazel-eyed angel again. But I knew I never would.

She had kept that one single bead to nirvana.

© 2011 Blythe Ayne

***

Blythe Ayne, Ph.D., lives on ten acres of forest on the north side of the Columbia River near Portland, Oregon.  She’s is an author, artist, and university instructor of writing and speech. Her written work has appeared in over one hundred publications.  This is her second Sledgehammer appearance.

Along with her writing, her greatest commitment is to the stewardship and preservation of her forest, where wonderful and diverse flora and fauna thrive.

Mini Sledgehammer: December

Ah, the holidays. Apparently it’s my time of year to be late for everything. Sorry for my tardy prompt posting. If you’re writing from home, monitor your time yourself, post your story on your own blog or website, and then leave your link in a comment below!

character: transit driver
action: surprising someone
prop: sparkly wrapping paper
setting: traffic jam

Congratulations to Fufkin Vollmayer, a first-time Sledgehammer participant, whose story ran away with the prizes!

***

“Untitled”
by Fufkin Vollmayer

My breasts are leaking and it’s rush hour in the rain and because of the rain the Muni metro shuts down. We’re in the big tunnel from downtown to the Castro and Javier is just making noise. It’s that gnawing noise familiar to every new mom, the kind that the nurse who posed as a lactation consultant explained to me, “See those little movements of his head and his lips parting, that’s rooting.” I stared at her dumbfounded, rooting as in a fruit tree or bulbs in the fall? so she went on, “Rooting means he’s looking for the breast, so it’s a good thing.”

Anyway the rain has shut the tunnel down and the overhead lights of the train flicker on and off, like a disco ball right inside the steamy crowded train that’s bound for the outer Sunset. Someone’s got Chinese takeout, because I can smell it from here.

Javier is revving up to a whimper and even though it’s crowded, all of us packed in like sardines and damp and mushy, I am going to have disengage him from the baby Bjorn, undo my raincoat and get my breast out. Out and in public. Maybe with the lights going on and off like last call, maybe no one will notice.

To the teenager next to me, who’s silent and focused in some deep way on their i-Pod, I say, “Excuse me, I need to sort of elbow you to get the baby out.” He stares at me, maybe not hearing. Or hearing and not caring.

He doesn’t move an inch, doesn’t even blink.

Now Javier is crying, and it’s that piercing cry of the newborn, a bleat, a thin wail so primal and high, it’s excrutiating. Like some illustration out of the nursing manual, I leak into my thick padded nursing bra. Too late, it’s gone straight through to the shirt.

As I start to elbow the silent, sullen teen next to me, “I’m sorry, oh I apologize, shit,” and then as I accidentally hit him with my elbow, “Please forgive me.”

He spits out, “You can not do that no you cannot. I talk to the bus driver. Right now.”

Well, we’re stopped anyway, go right ahead. And with that, he pulls out an a white ear bud from his thick black skunk head style of hair and pushes his way up to the front. We’re not too far from the front, so he pounds on the driver’s bullet proof glass.

Finally, the driver, like a teller at a liquor store that doesn’t sell wine, only coolers and fifths and endless varieties of rum, she looks at him. She looks about forty or so, her brown institutional uniform, the one that I grew up looking at twice a day as I road the bus to and from school, her uniform is shiny from too much ironing. The yellow letters and MUNI insignia remind of a forest ranger. Maybe that’s what she is, a forest ranger and we’re all the wild life.

“She is doing something bad. Not right. Her, over there,” and the teen who’s taken both the ear buds out, puts his elbow into his chest because there’s not even enough room for him to give a full extended point.

The driver looks at me, and I dread what could be the inevitable break down. I know the look. Middle aged African American woman giving me, the blue-eyed white woman the once over. All those years on her bus when, as a teen myself, all I ever did was to keep the brothers who followed me, sat next me and knocked their knees into my thigh, and talked to me, Oh Miss White, what you doing? Lemme take you home.

Or maybe in my haze of no sleep and new baby and the lights dimming on and off like a metronome, maybe I am misreading her face.

The high crackle of the walkie-talkie comes through and she picks up the radio and listens to the report about the flooding in the tunnel, Uh-huh, how long? Well, we just wait then.

“So what you going to do about her,” i-Pod teen asks, again.

“Nothing.”

Javier starts a full forced cry. There are no other babies on the train, just big kids. Dark I want the dark to return, because then I can pull a Houdini move and maneuver Javier out of the Bjorn, under my jacket, up through the loose tunnel of my crappy shirt and close to his target. Get him and judging from all the faces on the train, the people who might be staring, get him nursing.

“No, not right.”

“Actually, it’s a public place.”

I smile and nod and shove Javier on to my boob and the moment we’ve all been waiting for, the latch, it happens.

We’re in the dark, and the closely calibrated trains, they’re all piling up. It’s gridlock in the tunnel as two trains in a row, with big round headlights, a full moon illuminating the pitch black darkness of the tunnel with no light, no light at all, the full moons are lighting them up. There’s a traffic jam and it’s completely silent.

The pneumatics of the door exhale as the driver sits there. The teen next to me, sits down again and bumps my arm and I’d totally forgotten about the package wrapped in crinkly wrapping paper that I’d shoved into my back pack, the birthday present for Granny Doe, the one I’d dragged little Javier out in the rain, out of his cocoon, to Macy’s, all to buy Granny Doe some plates to match her set from her wedding.

The driver now gets up and comes down the aisle, to avert the panic, “There’s flooding in the tunnel, a back up with an accident on the line outside, we’ll be moving in about ten minutes.”

As she passes me, she looks down, and looks at me and stares, “Well hello Karen, long time.”

“Excuse me?”

“How ya doin’?”

I stare and again that bovine look of stupidity must be overtaking my face, the one caused by exhaustion.

“It’s me. Deborah.”

“From Lowell?”

And she starts laughing and shaking her head and all the backstory that wound through the short fuse known as my brain, vanished.

“Yeah, you got it.”

“Hey. Hey Deborah.”

We looked at each other, right in the eyes. Deborah who I went to Lowell with. Deborah who smoked pot with me down in the pit. Who brought her plaid thermos full of milk and bourbon to school. We used to laugh and laugh, could’ve been the pot, could’ve been finally figuring out the George Clinton’s liner notes, Some of my Best Friends are Jokes.

We laughed and Javier nursed and the lights came back and stayed on.

© 2010 Fufkin Vollmayer

***

Fufkin Vollmayer worked as a journalist before kids and is finishing a memoir of the whole goofy enterprise known as single parenting, anonymous donor insemination, and having absolutely no idea on how to be a good mom owing to Really Terrible Parents (warning, alcoholism and mental illness and living in Reno, Nevada, are covered) in her upcoming book, “Because You Love Them Like Crazy.”

Mini Sledgehammer: November 2010

We had two Pams and a Pamela at this month’s Mini Sledgehammer, which almost swayed us to make one of the writing prompts someone named Pam–or a variation thereof–but we held strong with our pre-chosen prompts.

Prompts:
Character: spy
Action: painting
Setting: amid a scheduling conflict
Dialogue: “Spare some change?”

Congratulations to Pam Bejerano, who stole the prize!

***

Pam Bejerano

Henry stood staring at the work. It was a live exhibit and the canvass, it seemed, was being attacked by the artist rather than being painted. The man would stand for minutes, neither a muscle nor a strand of hair moving. Then suddenly he would burst into life, throwing, spraying paint, some even hitting the canvass. His grunts and moans of ecstasy made Henry feel he was intruding on a private encounter rather than watching someone paint.

“That’s the strangest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Henry turned to see the source of the voice. A young woman stood, watching the painter with an expression he could only imagine matched his own. She was his age, he hoped, with very curly black hair going off in several directions. Her clothes were comfortably disheveled, giving a slight air of purpose in their arrangement. She looked up at him and smiled.

“Yeah,” was the only brilliant line he found. Looking around desperately, he spotted the title and pointed to it. “Can you spare some change?” he whispered. She looked at him, her eyebrows wrinkling together above her nose. “The title,” he said, pointing again. “It’s called, ‘Can You Spare Some Change?'”

She read the name and they both immediately covered their mouths as laughter spilled out. With a dirty glare thrown at them by the artist they quickly turned and ran away. They were still laughing as they stumbled down the stairs into the main lobby.

“I’m Helen,” she said, still trying to catch her breath. “You must be Henry.”

For the first time in three months Henry had been forced to say yes to his co-worker Jake’s insistance on a blind date.

“She’s an old friend. You’ll love her, I swear.”

Henry usually claimed he couldn’t attend previous attempts to set them up due to scheduling conflicts. But tonight, he and his coworker both were supposed to be at a board meeting that was cancelled, so he was free. And now, here she was. And damn if Jake wasn’t right.

As the evening wore on his ease with her made it feel like he had known her forever. They ate dinner at South Park, finishing a bottle of wine then moving into the bar to start another. After that they walked the waterfront, talking, laughing. She did an amazing impersonation of the artist that made him laugh so hard his side hurt. By the time she said she had to go, it was midnight, and he was in love.

“I’ve had a really good time tonight, Henry,” she said, both hands clutching her purse.”

“Yeah, me too. You know,” he said, plunging his hands deep into his pockets, “it’s been a really long time since I’ve been out with anyone.”

Helen nodded, “I know.”

Henry paused and looked at her. “How do you know?”
“Well,” her voice suddenly tightened as her gaze scanned the street. “Well, that’s what, um, your friend, that’s what he said. That it had been a long time.”

“What friend?”

“You know, the one you work with.”

“The one you’ve been friends with for 10 years? That one?”

Helen laughed. “Yeah, of course.”

“Helen, what’s going on? Jake said you were old friends. If he set me up with a stranger…”

“No, no, it’s not his fault.”

“Fault?” Henry felt his neck go red.

Once, once in his life, he had agreed to a blind date. By the time he made it home that night with one shoe, no money and a broken nose he swore he would never go on a another blind date again. And yet here he was, on a blind date with a woman who was lying through her teeth.

“I’ve gotta go.” He said, and turned to leave. “You can tell Jake to go fuck himself.”

“Wait, wait.” Helen was suddenly in front of him, blocking his path. “Wait Henry, please. This isn’t Jake’s fault. I’ve never even met Jake.” Henry glared at her, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “I’m a spy.”

“A what?” Of all the stories he expected to hear this was not one of them.

“I’m a spy. I don’t know who Jake is, but my friend Amanda told me to come here tonight and find someone named Henry. I was supposed to report back to her if you were…well…I mean…”

“Good looking enough to go on an actual date with?” Henry was fuming.

“No.” Helen took a deep breath. “The marrying type,” she said, her cheeks flushing in the street light.

“Well?” It was the only response he could find.

“I think I’m going to tell her no,” she said as she reached up and gave him a long, slow, kiss.

© 2010 Pam Russell Bejerano

***

Pam Russell Bejerano is a writer who works as an ESL director in Portland, Oregon. Pam has published a poem and was invited to read a short story at the Cannon Beach Historical Society. She is currently working on a novel to be completed in 2011. Pam’s blog can be found at http://clumsyseeker.blogspot.com/.